3 Ways to Trust Yourself When Making Big Decisions

how to start trusting yourself again jess wagner life coach

I remember it like it was yesterday - the two acceptance letters were in front of me.

I had been accepted into two different grad schools for voice performance, but I had NO idea how I was going to choose between the two. One was the safe bet...the school where I got my undergraduate degree. The other was in a brand new town and a totally unfamiliar environment, in other words…the scary choice.

I agonized over the decision - no idea which was best. Do I go with the familiar or with the adventure? What if I make the wrong choice?

Trusting ourselves to know what’s best for us. This is so much easier said than done.

When we’re kids, of course, we have no idea what’s best for us. That’s where parents/guardians/the wolves that raised you as a kid come in handy. But even though we’re far from being kids now, we still fall into the trap of thinking that other people know what’s best for us.

The truth is...we have the answer whether we want to or not. But to get to that answer, we have to trust ourselves.

This can creep into our lives in a multitude of ways - what we wear, what kind of job we have, what we do on the weekends, how we take care of ourselves, what we eat for dinner, who we’re friends with - the list goes on. Now, you’re probably pretty good at making decisions for yourself in at least some of these areas...but are there some places that are being dictated by someone other than you and what your highest self knows you need?

Why do we find it so hard to tune inwards and listen to ourselves?

I think a big part of this is because of the way our world functions - we are always looking for external motivation. Looking to our phones and everything outside of ourselves for the answers.

What’s usually best for us is to break free from always looking to the external for the answers and start tuning inwards.

Learning how to trust yourself when making a big decision is simple, but it’s not always easy.

Here are three ways to start:

Get Cozy with Your Thoughts

Don’t know where to start? Try journaling with some simple prompts.

Trying to navigate your way through a big decision?

Just ask yourself - What do I TRULY want? What would it feel like to make this decision?

Your truth might just surprise you.

And an important thing to remember is not to judge what flows out here - this is just for you to get it out of your head and onto paper. No judging, just flow.

Let Go of Judgment

Like I was just saying, let go of any judgment that might come up.

When we’re trying to make our way through a big decision or life change, our thoughts can often be interrupted by judgment or thoughts about what others might think. I want you to try and weed those interruptions out as much as you can.

It’s okay to consider how your actions might impact others, but remembering that the decisions you make are yours and yours alone will help. Especially during the exploration phases of a big decision, letting what happens just flow naturally without judgment will help you see a more clear picture of the situation and how you truly feel about it.

Remember: There Are Only Choices

A big part of what can hold us back from trusting ourselves is the fear of being wrong or the fear of making the wrong choice.

Here’s the super weird part about being an adult….there are no wrong choices. Yep - I said it.

There is no right or wrong, there are just different choices.

The next time you’re up against a fork in the road and you’re trying to choose, look at it from a practical perspective first. Weigh the pros and cons, think both options over, talk to a friend about it to get a different perspective.

Now that that’s done, remind yourself that neither of the choices is right or wrong. Each choice will take you on a different path, but it will just be that - different. Not wrong. Not right. Different.

This shift in mindset can make a huge difference when you’re agonizing over which decision to make.


By the way...I finally made my choice for which school to go to, and guess what? I made the best choice for me at the time, and it was amazing. It all worked out for me, and I know it will for you, too.

so much love,

xx jess

Jess WagnerComment